so yesterday i was really busy. i went to have dinner with emily at cheap winner’s. hehe. so cheap and yummy. i didn’t really do anything from 12 to 3:30. then i decided it was time to work on the powerpoint for my oral comm presentation. it was much fun. i put in all this animation stuff that sang likes. so em and i got back on campus at around 7:15 pm. i studied for intl law until 9 pm. then i went to my intl law meeting. my group was supposed to put together the paper. of course, we did not. one member didn’t even show up! we waited an hour too. so at 10 pm i went to my oral comm meeting. we practiced twice through, but my group kept cracking up. so terrible. i told em to call me at 11 so i would have reason to leave. haha. well she called right in the middle of a run through, so of course i didn’t pick up. after we finished, i went back to the library. and we studied until 3 am. this is the first time i was at the library until it closed! isn’t that crazy. also, there were like no people at the library. i think it’s because it’s not really finals week yet. i guess not a lot of people of in-class finals like i do. can i share something with you guys? my internation law textbook is sooo boring. it takes me like 20 minutes to read a paragraph. that’s because i keep falling asleep while reading. it always puts me to sleep even if i’m not tired. anyway, the exam is at 6:30 p.m. today. i think i’m going to be skipping managing across cultures so i can study. i can miss up to 8 classes in that class. woohoo. anyway, i better get ready for class. <3

i don’t really feel like blogging about anything. just thought i’d post some lyrics of a song. i’m not sure if i’ve posted this song yet. it’s by nine inch nails. sorry if it’s kind of depressing. oh yeah, do you see the title to my website? well i got it from this song. hehe. :/

i just want something i can never have

i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head ’till i don’t want to sleep anymore

you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i’m down to just one thing
i’m starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make it all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have

you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn’t do the things that i can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
grey would be the color if i had a heart
come on tell me

you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i’m down to just one thing
i’m starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make it all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have

in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now,
i know it’s still the same
everywhere i look you’re all i see
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be
come on tell me

you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i’m down to just one thing
i’m starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have
i can never have
i can

ahh, i still haven’t finished my stupid paper. i’m at work now. i don’t even know why my boss told me to come to work. there are two other workers here. i have no idea why this guy is here. he isn’t supposed to be here until 5 pm. wtf? argh. there is no point for me to be here. i’m just going to sit here and write my paper. anyway, this weekend was ok. i went to a potluck yesterday. i made dumplings! actually i just boiled them, but still! today i’m going to be going to the cluster after i’m done with work. i’m going to be hanging out with cool emily at cyert! party at cyert baby! anyway, you guys should check out cici’s website. she has tons of content. more than i’ll ever have. she even started a private journal. rock on. go read all her book reviews. i definitely want to read the shopaholic books. well, i guess that’s it for my lame blog. sorry it was so boring. i’ll try to think of something meaningful to say later. <3 oh yeah, let’s go yankees!!

guess what time it is? it’s pi (3:14) time! haha. yeah call me a dork. i don’t care! i’m in such a great mood. this rarely happens. first this monring i got an email from the post office saying i have a package. i was like wow i got something! then my mom calls me during class. that was embarrassing. i had to search my backpack and find my phone and turn it off. hehe. then i called her back after class and she told me she sent me a package! i was excited. while i was on the phone with her i was running back to my apartment because john mayer presale fan tickets were going on sale for philly in 10 minutes. hehe. i called grace and she didn’t answer her phone! so anyway, she finally gets to my apartment with like 3 minutes to spare. i have the local-83 club website opened and all ready to go. then it’s 12 pm and we refresh and there was the concert! so we click on it blahblah. and it tells us there are no more seats. this is at 12, when the tickets just just went on sale. so like, we kept going back and trying again. we got desperate and tried to get 2 tickets instead of 3. then we tried 1 and it didn’t work either. so i decided to call musictoday.com. i waited like 15 minutes while grace was trying hard to get tickets online. and finally this guy picks up and i tell him the problem about the site. he tells me great news. he says the site is down, probably a server problem. then i asked him if i could get tickets from him, and he’s like well it’s broken for us too so no. then i asked him how long it would take for them to fix it. they said about 15 minutes. so then i decided to use my roomie’s computer while grace used mine. we were online at the same time. haha. we were so determined. then grace screams out like 10 minutes later, “i got tickets! they’re section 100 row e! should we get them?” of course we had the seating chart all printed out and we decided we might as well get them even though they are on the side. we are 5 rows from JOHN MAYER!!! so then i go purchase the tickets, but i picked the wrong kind of credit card. i picked american express instead of master card. i totally freaked out, but i got an email confirming my purchase, so i thought it’d be all good. so i decided to call them again and after waiting another 15 minutes, someone picks up and i describe my problem. he says that the computer system automatically knows so it’ll be ok! woohoo. so after that i went to the post office to pick up my package. i got all this food! more koala bears and dried mango! i love my mommy. thanks mom! oh yeah my last piece of good news is that my group for managing across cultures got a 92 on our presentation about japan. woohoo. i’m so happy. ok well i’ll stop babbling now. BYE!

i didn’t do much yesterday as usual. i got my grade for my eulogy speech in oral comm! i got my first a. it’s my biggest accomplishment yet in that class after oral comm, i had lunch. then i went to work. after work, i went to cyert to start my paper. actually i already started it on monday, but i only had one line! now i’m at 3 pages. haha. i sat at cyert for hours. then i moved to baker because i had to bring coffee to julyan. this russian paper thing sucks. i can’t wait until i hand in this lame paper. in other news, the yankees beat the angels. woohoo. revenge is sweet. i watched the top of the 4th inning on mlb’s gameday (yeah i’m ghetto like that). we had bases loaded and 0 outs. it was beautiful. =) anyway i have no intl marketing class today, so i’m writing more about russia. hurrah! bye!

the yankees kick BUTT!

i love mussina. quoted from the yankees website:
Mussina allowed two runs in seven innings, improving his career record against Minnesota to 20-2. He also improved the Yankees’ starting rotation to 13-0, making them the first staff since 1900 to start the season with wins in its first 13 decisions, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

rock on! oh yeah, i want to say thanks to ryan for making my aznfied link button. it’s on the right column. in other news, i’m really sick of my managing across cultures group. this one guy is so bossy and blahblah. i’ve had it with him. he’s so obsessed about getting an a on our presentation. he sent me this extensive email about japan’s financial crisis after i did the slides. i’m like uhh…sorry, but i’m not putting all that crap into our slides. i’ll use it for our paper. hehe. i’m so mean. anyway good night! <3

another weekend has come and gone. i had a sleepover with julyan and sangitha on friday because i forgot to bring my key. that was fun! then on saturday we went to get ice cream at my favorite place…DAVE and ANDY’S. mmm. and they didn’t run out of cones. it was delicious. it was such a pretty day yesterday. i should have brought my camera. then sangitha was a slavedriver and made me do oral comm hw. we watched “catch me if you can” at the uc. i already saw the movie, but it was really good. i like the funny stuff in it. after that we went to a couple of parties and that was it. i think that’s the most i’ve done in awhile. i’m getting old! ahh. i have work in a half hour and then i have 2 meetings. i wonder when i’m going to have time to eat? =( what a sucky day. oh yeah by the way, happy easter! <3

i screwed up my quiz. boohoo. i reversed the variables to this easy equation. we only had to answer 3 out of 4 questions. i couldn’t figure out the 6th mode of entry for question 1. damnit! if i knew that one, i wouldn’t have messed up on the other question. oh well, i guess i won’t be getting an 100 on this quiz. maybe i’ll aim for a 95. well i’m at the library waiting for my 5 o’clock meeting. i should be reading for international law, but i really don’t feel like going tonight. it’s so pointless. our professor stopped giving quizzes. this totally doesn’t motivate to go. i know i’ll end up going anyway. grr. today is going to be the longest day ever. i wish it was may 9th. wahh. ok i’ll stop complaining and whatever. maybe i’ll go home and take a breather or something. bye! <3

so today was a pretty good day. i got my john mayer fan club package. it was pretty ghetto. i only got an unsigned poster, 2 postcards, sticker, and a key chain. oh well. i’m really excited for the john mayer concert in august. i <3 him. grace and lynne are going with me. woohoo. :D i got my bank card yay. i guess i'll tell you guys my stupid dorky story. so like on wednesday, i went out with my girls for a late night dinner. so i realize that i only have a $50 that my dad gave me. it's really hard to break it here. especially if you're on a college student's budget. heh. so tania and i were going to stop at the atm so i could get some smaller bills. so we get to the atm, and i can't find my card. so i'm kinda worried. after we get back from fuel & fuddle, i look all over my desk for my card. i get all nervous and ocd, so i call citizens bank and they told me that a new atm card would cost $5. so i’m like ok. so they cancelled it. 2 minutes later, i found my stupid card in my purse. i’m such a moron. so i called back and tried to uncancel my card, but it was too late. the lady told me that i should have “froze” my card. like i knew that was an option? anyway, she said i’d have 7-10 days before i got my card. well i checked my mail today and i got the card. woohoo. i’m so glad. anyway, my night class was so boring. at least we got out at 8 pm. i wanted to stab myself because i was so bored. sang and i were playing with our phones. so bad.

so punk’d is one of my favorite new shows on tv. ashton kutcher is so hilarious when he narrates what happens. i loved how he punk’d justin timberlake. he almost started to cry. anyway, it’s on mtv @ 10:30 p.m. (est). woohoo. ok well this week is going to be busy. yay for group project. ok time to get ready for bed. gnite <3

someone asked me today what my hopes and dreams are. surprisingly, this simple question was very hard for me to answer. truthfully, i have never given any thought in what i would love to do in the future. most of the time i am worrying about something like an exam. i’m too caught up with the notion that graduating from a pretty decent university will allow me to land a good job in new york city, and therefore lead to my future success in the business sector. now that i think about this, i wonder if that’s what i really want. one of my biggest hopes is that i can feel happy with myself, and not have such a poor self image. i need to realize that i’m really not that bad of a person. i know i have plenty of flaws; no one is perfect. so why am i trying so hard to be? i need to realize that i’m just as human as the next person. a good friend of my died a couple of years ago from cancer. she hadn’t even gone to college to experience this great independence. although she only had a short time to live her life, i feel that she lived it to the fullest. i think she was able to accomplish an amazing number a things in her fleeting life. i can only strive to be half the person she was.

being the pessimistic person that i am, i have never really considered how important the human life is. truthfully, i have never been ecstatic that i’m alive and where i am now. there are times where i think that if i died today it wouldn’t really matter. i’m just so insignificant compared to the grand scheme of things. i’m just another college student at cmu. i mean really, if i die today, i’m sure i would be forgotten pretty quickly. i have never been the type of person with a lot of friends. i just feel that i haven’t contributed anything important to the world, and that when i go, i probably won’t have left my mark. so it won’t really be a big deal if i die today or 50 years from now. yeah i guess i have a pretty dark perspective about life.

i’m trying to change negative views on happiness and life. i should be happy that i am fortunate to be a student at one of the nation’s best schools. i should be grateful that my parents would sell their arm or leg just so i can attend college. i should be happy that i have great friends who make this stressful college life bearable. without them, i would be miserable. i should be happy that there are people who love me even though i have such a hard time loving myself. i should be happy that i am part of the middle-class. i should be happy that i’m only 20, but i have been able to travel to asia and see how 1/4 of the world lives. i should be happy that even though i may not think i have accomplished much, i still have plenty of time to make my mark in the world. i am happy that i’m an american and have all these human rights. i am happy that i can have a website where i can talk about anything i want. i am happy that the united states is a country where individualism is stressed. i am grateful that i don’t have any mental disabilities and can think on my own. i am happy to always be able to eat when i’m hungry, and not worry about going to bed on an hungry stomach. lastly, i’m happy that i’m alive today; and i will show the world just how great i can be.

i want to thank cici for showing me that it’s ok to write about your deepest fears and thoughts. <3

i woke up early so i could practice my speech for oral communications. i hope i do better today. i really want a good grade. sang and i practiced a lot last night for oral comm. we even practiced in the actual classroom. yay! i hope today’s yankees home opener isn’t postponed again. go yankees go!! soriano is doing so well with the batting. bernie isn’t so bad himself. now we just need to get a great pitching staff. ok i better start practicing now! <3

[edit]my oral comm professor is sick and class was cancelled. ahh. i’m so ready for this presentation! now i have to wait until thursday. this sucks! i guess i’ll go do laundry now.[/edit]

hello everyone. i didn’t do much today. just did some hw and chilled. i watched harry potter: the chamber of secrets. it was really long, but pretty entertaining. i must say i enjoyed the book more. anyway, i just read this article about pittsburgh cab drivers enjoy! i doubt this new program will attract any more tourists to this sucky city. hehe. i have some bad news. the yankees lost their first game today. wah. i hope jeter is back soon. i love him. <3

what a pretty day. let me tell you guys, don’t ever take greyhound if you can avoid it. 9 hours on a bus with a bunch of shady guys is not fun. it’s kind of scary actually. i made it though! on the way back, the baggage guy made me translate to these two poor chinese guys. they knew cantonese and a little bit of mandarin. i tried my best to translate with my broken chinese. basically the situation was that the two guys had food in their suitcases, and according to greyhound regulations passengers can’t bring food. the baggage claim guy kept telling me tell the guys to go upstairs and pay for greyhound to ship their food separately. this would cost $50. all this craziness started. the two men became angry. so then the other option was that they throw out their food. one guy did and the other guy didn’t. at the end, the one who refused kept saying he was going to call 911. haha. then the calmer man said that “he’s only picking on us because we don’t speak english”. “this is a long trip, we can’t even bring a snack?” i didn’t know what to say to that. i didn’t want to get involved in this whole thing because i myself had food in my suitcase and carry on bag. haha. anyway, my ride back to pittsburgh sucked a lot because i sat next to this big crack in the window. it was really cold! also, all my cds got scratched because i think there was sand in my bag. wah.

i really hope i get this internship because it’s in nyc, and plus the company sounds really nice. even though i’m not very good with finance stuff, this internship is for anyone (even those who don’t have business-related majors). diana even told me that i can set up her retirement fund if i get the internship. hehe. i guess it’s ok that it’s a non-paid internship. i really need to gain experience in the real world. ok well, back to work i go. <3